Safe and Warm

into the void

Shit…good to be back with my breath intact…and a smile on my face.

I am up, sitting here sorting photos from last weekend. I visited my girl in the Monterey, California area. I have been seeing her for some time…and things were sketchy for a good while, because I hadn’t dealt with the end of my marriage to a woman I have a mountain of love and respect for. But, shit had been done for a long time…and neither one of us wanted to throw in the towel…as we were from broken homes, and didn’t want to go out like that. I felt I would be cursed if I moved on from my “good girl”…it was hard to see our time had passed, and it was time to let each other breathe free and find a new happiness.

Hard.

It looks like shit on paper, because my ex is older than myself, and my lady is younger than I am …and I went about the whole thing in a really backwards way. But, you can’t control the ways of love. So, I am just rolling with that…and am for the first time in my life coming from a place of satisfaction and contentment. I had a lot of guilt behind that…as it sounded like an indictment of my former wife….and that wasn’t the case. We have both changed a whole lot, and my change is meaning a lot of different things for me. One of which is a calm…one that I have never experienced. I can breathe in a new way.

It’s my breath.

I don’t owe anyone that…it’s God and me.

So many people have been really supportive of my ex, my lady, and me…so I know I am not the only one to have trod this path. The parting with sincere love and kind wishes, and continued support for the one I loved for so long…is a bittersweet thing for me. I am joyous, in tears, flying high, and punched in the guts with guilt all in the same moment often times. I know the intensity will lessen, but I am just being with it for now.

And that’s alright.

Thanks for the patience on this…and great notes of encouragement. If I let anyone down in anyway…if perhaps you had held my wife and I as some inspiration…all I can say keep each other close, and put your relationship above everything else if you intend to keep it forever. I have regrets…but my new joy and extreme love for my dear angel who I now walk down this road with washes away my shame, as my respect for my ex makes me smile and know this change is the only way I can honor my love for her.

This is the last full blab on this…just thought I’d get it over with, and return to our regularly scheduled programming…

My photos, and chit-chat, poetry, and musical reference…

The shots I was sifting were from the weekend trip to the last sessions for the Del Monte Gardens roller skating rink in Monterey. My lady literally grew up skating there, trained on a nationally competitive level in artistic skating at DMG for more than ten years. Her family’s involvement in skating goes back generations…everyone in her family puts it down on the skates, especially her brother who was THE National Champion boys artistic skater back in ’97….and her father who at 72 is a maniac on eight wheels. So we were there, visiting and skating on DMG’s really small rink…and it hurt to experience the loss. A family, a way of life, a place in time…all gone with the stroke of a pen. The building will be rubble next month. Milpitas is closing the same day…Two greats biting the dust at once. Just crushing.

Get out and skate…keep the wheels rolling, while there are places to enjoy. Down a Dr.Pepper /Mr. Pibb, crunch a bag of Skittles, hold your honey’s hand and enjoy what you have…

Had a trippy interruption from my sleep last night…

“Five hooded sweeps of darkness float onward, up the hill into the wild washed along on gusts of crackling leaves swirling forth…carried on a haunting tune only those of the night can hear. Those rangers of the night, called forth skills forgotten…an iciness only a thief could know. Beneath the silence, platelets so fluid and still, the vigilant cilia in the ears of the most alert hound’s laid languid in their paranoid cones of an informant’s lust. Never a rustle, just an unseen shadow hovering above the ground trod only by the rangers…of the night.”

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